Dear High School Self,

It's only been 2 and 1/2 years, but it seems like eons. You've gone through a lot in these 30 or so months. Some minor but monumental, like chopping and donating over a foot of hair. You'll put it off for a year but you'll finally do it. You'll regret it every once in awhile and you'll definitely miss the long braids, but think about the good that you did for that little girl.

Then there are some major things, you'll fight with your parents a lot. Even your Dad. It'll be hard and it will suck but it looks like it's working out for the best. Unfortunately it looks like you still have some rough waters ahead but you made some hard decisions and I think that shows promise.

Freshman year will be a breeze, don't worry about that art class the teacher is really cool. I wish you'd reconsider AP classes, it'll be worth it because college work load will be a big surprise for you. Community college, not even a four-year. Don't worry, you'll that coming though and it won't be a big surprise when you let November 30th pass you by in your Senior year after the cast party for Inherit the Wind. You'll make new friends, but you'll also lose some. You should try and keep in touch with Aubrey, just because she's more peculiar than your other friends doesn't mean you should ignore her. Not a strong point for your character. Theatre will be fun and you'll even make friends in that class too! You'll get a few good parts, even though memorizing the pieces for the auditions will be hard. Here's a tip, taping them to the wall in the shower is the key! Late in the year you'll experience the death of someone you know. It's the first time death has ever really affected you. It'll be hard and you'll cry a lot. You'll have to get up the next day and deal with STAR testing, but that awesome art teacher will talk with you when you start crying and he'll let you sleep through the extra long class.

Sophomore year will be harder. You'll be taking biology, which will suck. I think that you did the best that you could, but maybe you should crack that book open a little more. You'll pass the final but it might have been easier had you opened up the textbook. You'll have an amazing history class which Jessa will be in. The teacher is awesome and you'll really enjoy yourself. You'll rock your final and get the highest grade of all the classes. Good job!

You'll get invited to go to Europe with People to People. And you'll get to go! But you have to work hard with your grades and with raising money. Your parents are going to make you raise $1,000, you'll get it but you'll be disorganized and you'll regret that. Europe will be amazing! Completely beautiful and totally worth the hard work. You'll stick to your small group of friends because you're scared of getting in trouble, nothing bad happens by stepping outside your security blanket. The last week will be hard because you group of friends have made other friends and you've kind of stayed behind. Still, enjoy Roma and Firenze and make the most of everything. The summer after with Jessie will be a good and carefree one. You'll play a lot of Sims and swim a lot.

Junior year will be okay. You start to stray away from your friends and I wish you wouldn't. It's okay to do risky things. You're taking physics and geometry this year. Physics will start off easy and that will make you cocky, but in the second quarter you'll get a new teacher and things will be harder. It'll suck but you'll get through with your lab group. Geometry will suck, but you should have done the homework. There was nothing you could have done about the teacher, though you probably shouldn't have sat in the back with Jessa. You'll end up failing and it will suck. Adrienne will write you a sweet letter though and it'll make you smile.

Dad will be pissed. That's all there is to it. You'll mess up the trip to Disneyland for his birthday because you have to go to summer school. Summer school will actually be pretty fun though, you'll take Economics and Geometry with Jessa and you'll have a blast hanging out with her. You and Jessa haven't been as close as you had been in elementary school but this time together will cement your relationship. Disneyland will be okay. You'll be PMSing, anemic and bitchy but you'll make it through and have a really good time seeing Spencer experience Disneyland.

Senior year will be unmonumental. The only class you need to graduate is American Government, but you have to fill the year with classes. You'll take a semester of photography which will be fun but a little tricky because you're not adept with rolling film. Still you'll have fun and actually learn a thing or two. You'll end up with a better photographic eye. You'll even get your senior pics taken for free! In the next semester you'll take creative writing and you'll love it! You won't write anything amazing but you'll have a lot of fun and the teacher will like your work. The last semester of senior year will dwindle down to pretty much nothing. You'll drop theatre for most of it and get paid to watch your grandmother with Alzheimer's. You'll cut yourself off from a lot of friends and you shouldn't do that. You'll graduate though and you'll make it through. Don't worry about your math class, your teacher sees that you worked hard and he'll pass you anyway.

The next year will be hard. You'll think you're ready to be on your own and you won't be. It'll make things hard between you and your dad and you aren't used to that and it will make the whole thing worse. At that time though moving back to Arroyo Grande will be worth it. For awhile. Dad and Linda will move to Denver and though you won't tell them it's hard on you. You're not used to them being so far away. Things will go well for awhile. You'll get a job at the Worker's Comp board and it'll be good for you. Things at home will get hard though. You're going to disagree with the way your mother is raising her kids and you'll have a hard time keeping your mouth shut. Stand up for what you believe in though. Even when it means you have to drop your classes and move to Brentwood. You'll study hard and realize that instead of special education you want to work in publishing. It'll take you awhile to get there but c'est la vie.

Over the years you'll realize what family is to you and what it means. You'll do your best to stay close with Hanna and Caleb, maybe try and work a little harder? Emily will be adorable and you should pay more attention to her and not turn her away so much. She'll be annoying 45% of the time but try and play with her that other 65%. Spencer will grow and you'll be amazed at how "normal" he seems. His speech won't improve and he'll still be very autistic but you'll be surprised to find out that he has ambitions. Don't waste any minute with any of your brothers or sisters.

Try not to let yourself get overworked. Almost everything works out and when things don't work out, it's for the best. Don't stop reading, don't stop writing and do your best to keep in touch with all your friends. It'll be worth it. Don't be afraid to do things that scare you. The things that scare you the most are the ones that are the most important are the most rewarding.

With the utmost of love, Samantha (age 20 1/2)